Thursday, June 19, 2008

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Patience is not a virtue of mine and I really don't try to embrace it either. I want it and I get it. My husband leaves for school on Sunday and will be gone the whole week. I am willing ovulation to happen BEFORE he leaves. Peeing on sticks and hoping.

Sex In The City SPOILER:

I am happy Charlotte got pregnant. I cried.

xoxo

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Where am I?

Hello Team, Here I am. I have been so busy I forgot that I was infertile. Sort of. I have been to the beach, swam my heart out, and connected with my Father. Hooray. I had time to think about this life I have been given. I am pretty darned lucky.

I felt myself sinking into the bitter pit of IF and I just can't do it. I won't be sad/mad when someone tells me that they are pregnant or not be able to get out of bed on Mother's Day. I just won't...can't. I gotta get my GA (good attitude) on. I will get pregnant and have a baby. Bottom line. How? Now that's a story for another time.

Join me! Put YOUR GA on. Got it your sad. Got it your disappointed. Got it your mad, pissed, broke, etc. Life is passing you by. Look at the bright side of things. Focus on 2-3 positive things a day.

Getting off my soap box now and sending positive thoughts to the IF world.

(p.s. I might not always feel like this, but I am sure as fuck going to try)

xoxoxxo

Monday, June 9, 2008

Where is this yellow brick road going....

Oh lord, it's been quite a few days. Let's just say I have been up and down the IF river. My period showed Day 28 on time. boo.

I have been thinking about what's next for us. My husband will be out of town when I am ovulating next so no clomid or IUI for us. Taking a break. (hello white wine)

Taking a break..that is what we are telling people. I learned the hard way that IF is not something you share with randoms. Too many people asking and too many people to tell. Taking a break. I like it.

Still hoping... I have something to admit. I may have been doing this trying to get pregnant thing wrong. Well, not that wrong. ;) But, I def. have not been counting my cycle days right and I have DEFINITELY not been using the OPK at the right time. I started using them on Day 15...oops. Bad me.

So still hoping, but taking a break for June.

Seriously considering IVF for Sept....no ins. coverage and scared to give myself shots.

But still hoping.

xoxo

Friday, June 6, 2008

The Verdict is In.

Not Pregnant.

I finally worked up the courage to take a HPT and as fast as fast could be one pink line appeared. I kept willing the other line to show up, but it didn't. I am just so sad right now. It's hard to keep my mind right here instead in the fact that I will never have kids and why fucking me.
The feeling in my stomach is so deep and so sad. There are too many people I have to tell that it did not work, I have to work my travel schedule around another IUI, and I have to continue on this sad path of IF.

My husband is out of town and I barely caught him on the cell to tell him. His response as it is every month is that we will try again. He seems so un-engaged in this whole process although I am sure that's not true.

I need a nap. I just can't believe it.....

Thursday, June 5, 2008

NERRRR-VOUSSSSSS

It's coming to the end of my 2WW and I can hardly believe it. I have been gratefully very busy with work and had little time to think about it until TODAY! I keep feeling my boobs, checking for spotting, and all around trying to will myself pregnant. I am either pregnant or getting my period. Ain't that the story of my life.

Last night, exhausted, I was thinking about how much time and energy IF takes up in my life. I am just sick of it. WARNING PITY PARTY~ Why me?????

Okay,done. I might get a HPT on my way home from work.

Still praying and squeezing my boobs.

xoxo