Friday, May 23, 2008

Food Poisoning and an IUI

Um, yeah you read the post right. I ate crab soup, got food poisoning, had to have sex, and then the next morning get up for my IUI! Who says I don't want a baby?

Everything went well with the IUI, but my Dr. did say it was a little early to be ovulating. I did it anyhow. The sperm was GREAT. I felt like shit and sort of still do.

Just for giggles, I did an OPK this morning and it was positive.


Sex marathon weekend! In our new tent! Camping and sex...what could be better?

xoxo

Monday, May 19, 2008

Nothing....

No side effects yet. Last night of clomid tonight! Started OPK's on Saturday just to be sure. I am so unsure of all the timing of everything. My husband and I have two very important trips planned these next two weekends. ...both can be cancelled, but I need a good camping trip. I need dirt between by toes..I need to sleep in my tent.

still praying and still hoping.
xoxo

Thursday, May 15, 2008

All My Eggs in One Basket!

T-Minus 12 hours until Clomid pill #1. My Dr. said he felt comfortable since the cyst had shrunk that it was okay to move forward. I fell very positive. I almost skipped away from the Pharmacy with my little package of pills.

My husband and I said a prayer today. I really hope this works.....greedily, I am praying on the first shot.

xoxoxo

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

How to be positive in a not so positive world of IF

Just got back from my Day 3 u/s. When I was checking in I noticed how large my file was and I thought back to when I started at the clinic and seeing other women's files. I remember praying that my file would not be that big...EVER! Look at me now. oi.

Anyhow, the plan was to start clomid and hope that my cyst would not be effected. The Dr. I saw was very concerned about that even though my cyst had shrunk a little bit. She asked me if I would be willing to wait. I literally whined at her, "but I have been waiting so long." I felt my heart drop. So, I have the prescription and I am waiting for a call from my normal Dr. to see his thoughts.

I really am trying to be positive, but these last few days have really been tough. I want to get this show on the road. I want to be off this barren path and onto the flowered path filled with poopy diapers and sleepless nights.

xoxox

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Today is a better and brighter day.....

Boy, did I have a shitty day yesterday. I was thankful that we had our therapists appt. last night. It gave my husband a chance to talk about how he was feeling about all of this infertility. Wow, were my eyes opened.

He said that he has been trying to remain calm since I have not been calm(before my breakthrough) I interpreted that by thinking that he did not care if we had a baby or not. He was under-emotioned and I was over. Wow!

I was still waffling about clomid and then he said something real real stupid after our appt. I almost had the cab turn around and get back to the therapist so we could talk about it. I was saying I was not sure about IVF and he said, "Of course you are doing IVF...It's no big deal"

Holy shit..no big deal. I asked him to stop talking right then and there. I need to get him some info.

I adore him and our marriage has never been better, but shit...."no big deal?" HA!

I am doing clomid. Day 3 u/s tomorrow. hope the cyst is gone and we can get this show on the road.

xoxoxo

Monday, May 12, 2008

Raining inside and out....

I got my period today. I knew it was coming, but it came so early. I feel sad...the sadness broke through my recently optimistic outlook and sat right down. I start clomid this month and feeling a bit unhopeful about it. Will it work? What will it do to my mood? Am I going to gain weight? Will I feel disappointed if it does not work? How many months?

Part of me just wants to run right into IVF, but I am having a hard time getting past the cost for a chance. I can do the $$ for clomid and IUI, but $15k just sets me back and what if that does not work either.

Okay, deep breath and be here now.

God, please let me get pregnant.

xoxox

p.s. I had ice cream for lunch. It helped

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

You know how video killed the radio star?

Well, IF ruined my sex life! The other night I caught myself trying to watch the Phillies game while we were "doing" it. Doing it..hoping "it" is timed right. I feel bad for my husband because every month, I give him the days we must have sex. It's so uninspired and boring. It's a business. I wonder what happened to that sex loving woman who would surprise her husband in the shower?

I am not even sure if I pee on the pee stick right.

If I did, then I did not ovulate this month or maybe I am getting ready to ovulate right now. I might ovulate late. It's all so confusing for me. I read other IF blogs and the terminology makes me crazy. I don't understand it, but I guess I better soon.

Still on my positive path. While waiting for our 1st Clomid cycle, I have been able to take a deep breath and have a cup of coffee...okay, and some wine. ;)

My prayer every night remains: God, please let me get pregnant.

xoxoox