Monday, April 28, 2008

The Cyst that Won't Quit!

As previously posted, it's not that I had not completely healed...that darn cyst is back...and the same size. Oi! I could not start clomid yet because of that cyst.

My Dr. called(for the last 6 months my Day 3 has been on a Sat or Sun) and and we are going to move forward with Clomid next month no matter what. My husband and I are trying the natural way this month and I am trying to allow myself to feel positive...and that darn elusive hopefulness.

Deep Breath!!!

Pee sticks out....GA (good attitude) on.

My prayers is as follows: Dear God, please let me get pregnant.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Just thinking.....

It's funny since we made the choice to do clomid with IUI for 4 cycles how many people have come out of the woodwork to say clomid did not work for me......

Anyone out there that clomid has worked for?

Anyone think we should just push forward to IVF?

I need advice.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

A Nicer, More Relaxed Me!

Since my big boo hoo on Monday, I have had a bit of an "Ah-Ha" Moment about fertility issue...well, more like life issues, but particularly in regards to my fertility problems.

I have decided that my new outlook is that: It is what it is!! There is nothing I need to do to change the path has been chosen for me. All I need to do is be present and in the moment. I feel like the last 16 months of trying to have a baby has been like wearing a 200 pound coat and all the fun has been sucked from our life. My husband has suffered and so have I.

I shed that coat...took a deep breath and realized that today is too precious to waste on worry and upset.

Phew! It's a practice like yoga, but I am working it.

On a treatment note, I had my day 3 ultra sound today and unfortunately, I am not healed enough from my surgery to start Clomid. Dr. S and I are going to talk on Monday to discuss the pics from the ultrasound. I could have been really upset, but I invoked my new attitude and rolled with it.

Today is a beautiful day and I invite you to open the windows and let the spring air tickle your tootsies.

xxoxo

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Back from Surgery and ready to kick some a**

I know it's been a while, but I have been in a drug induced haze recovering from my surgery. What an ordeal? Who knew that it would take me a week to recover?

Good news and bad news....the cyst was attached to my bowel. They got it, but the right tube could not be completely opened. The left tube is open and ready for business. Both ovaries looked good.

Anyhow, saw Dr. S on Monday and he confirmed everything I already knew, but the statistics he gave me about my chances of getting pregnant made me very sad. I had to leave work early to go home, have a good cry, snuggle with my kitty, and take a big old fat afternoon nap.

I am better. A statistic is a statistic. I feel in every core of my being that I will get pregnant and be a mom. It's just there...a feeling that is real and true. My darling husband, when we discussed IVF, said we'll take out a loan...simple as that. And before I had time to lash out at him, it hit me...we'll take out a loan. Small miracles in pursuit of a loving happy marriage between two adults. ;)

Plan Spring 2008~ 4 rounds on clomid. Waiting for my period to start..and off we go.

My commitment to myself, my husband, and my soon to be conceived baby is that I will remain calm, I will exercise to support that, and I will allow myself to be optimistic..despite some pretty frightening statistics.

xox